America - We Should Just Cut the Pie

Here’s an interesting thought. What if America were to be split into a few sections rather than be a whole country. Who would this benefit?

Section South: That’s right. The redneck, hillbilly, hick south. The states that need not be named that has three religions: George Bush, God, and Country. (Music) These fundamentalist, pro-war, anti-abortion, gun-loving people could just live together by themselves. That way, the rest of the country doesn’t need to listen to the bad side of life. (Not that I hate Soul Food and… NASCAR perhaps… no wait, I hate NASCAR.)

Section Midwest: Ok, this is a vague area, but we can count them all in the same section. This side of life is more… humble per se as the the men are more nicer, the air is more cleaner, and the people are more… well, actual people living a life. Of course, they aren’t all cherry blossoms. With AIDS spreading like the sour taste of warheads, these people are prone to our sicknesses. Better leave them alone.

Section West Coast: These states are the most smug people you will ever find, especially San Francisco. Also, we include rich bastards, valley girls, Vegas gamblers, and all sorts of hippies that still swell in this area. Let them be all ‘Anti-American’ without their guns. (Not saying that’s a bad thing. Look at Burma.)

Section Florida: This needs to be section if it’s a swing state.

Section New England: Liberal people. Kinda snobby, pushy, and rude bastards. Give them a piece of the pie will ya now.

Section Washington D.C. and surrounding area: Or why there has to be such a big racial discrepancy between these areas, especially D.C. I’ve never been here myself, but I think that there has to be some sort of white-black tensions here. I mean, let’s include parts of the south here that eat Grits. Then they have something in common.

Note: This is a parody, a lampoon of the states. I don’t actually hate any of these places.