On Found Purpose
Iâve found the answer Iâve been looking for. I already found the answer years ago, but Iâve got to dig it up every now and again. The question: Whatâs the meaning of life? The answer: Itâs different for everyone, so youâve got to figure it out. This time, Iâm revisiting it in a different context. Iâm reading âNot Fade Away: A Short Life Well Livedâ by Peter Barton & Laurence Shames and Iâve been tying it with conversations Iâve had with my roommates about a recent death of a former co-worker. In âNot Fade Awayâ, Peter, who had terminal cancer, writes about coming to terms with his impending death and trying to help everyoneâs struggle with their eventual end. In this short excerpt, Peter is suffering through the side-effects of chemotherapy, and heâs complaining to his wife.
One day, when my body was wracked and my head ached and my spirits were at their lowest, I said to my wife: âI just donât see the point.â
Now, my wife Laura is as supportive and kind as a person could possibly be. Iâm in awe of her gentleness. But in that moment she was something other than tender; she was absolutely fierce.
Fierce on my behalf â and, I think, on her own. She still had the determination that I was having such a hard time mustering. She still saw value in the struggle. She wasnât about to let me wallow. She already had enough burdens; she didnât want to cater to someone who had given up.
âSo find one!â she declared.
I was so surprised by her vehemence that I lost my train of thought. I said, âHuh?â
âYou donât see the point?â she said. âFind a point!â
Looking back, I realize just how important that brief but intense conversation was.
â Peter Barton, Not Fade Away, pages 83 - 84
Peterâs revelation after this incident was there is a separation of the body and mind, something he eventually considers the soul. The body is the physical attachment, one bound by nature to decay and fall apart. The mind can take the role of the body and do the same. However, if we have control over our mind, we donât have to allow it to decay and rot. We have the ability to not allow it to taint everyone else.
My roommate Mark keeps asking the question, âWhatâs the point?â while we were all sitting around the backyard fire pit. He follows up with his explanation for why the elderly tend to be mean and grumpy. âTheyâre in pain all of the time.â While true, the bodies of many elderly people are in pain, many of them allow the pain to get the better of them. When we donât make this separation of mind and body, we can get terribly depressed.
The best counter example I know of for someone who didnât let their bodyâs pain get to their mind was Stuart Scott, ESPN anchor. In the following video, Scott talks about his struggle with cancer and shows us whatâs possible when faced with death.
Reading this book, I couldnât help but well up and cry, get depressed, get overwhelmed by the emotions Peter was going through. And then, itâs followed by hope, knowing that I can make the most out of life. My biggest take-away is not to let this moment slip again and really determine what my own purpose is for my life.